Last week, while letting my dog, Lexie, out once more for the night,  I heard a bird singing loudly. It was the only sound other than the sound of the wind blowing lightly through the trees and it was disconcerting. Disconcerting not only because it was late at night, not only because it was the only bird I could hear but because it was an eerie, desperate cry of sorts. I don’t know, maybe I was just being too imaginative for my own good, but it just seemed out of place in general to hear a song bird singing in the darkness rather than the light of day. The sound and the feelings surrounding it have stuck with me in the back of my mind for the week since.

Today in my quiet time I began thinking about it again. So, like every other distracting thought that comes into my head, I jotted it down on the notebook beside me to research later. The question “why would a bird sing at night?”, was repeating in my head over and over. To me, birds are creatures of praise. That is what I think of when I hear them. They just exist and worship, that’s it. Okay, back to my thoughts… birds usually are silent at night…sleeping or whatnot. So I googled the topic and began to read these threads about it. Here are the most common streams of thought.

1. A hungry cat has recently moved into the neighborhood causing the raucous

2. There is too much light in the area

3. Too much noise during the day so they sing at night. (mating calls, communicative singing)

So, here is what I felt drop in my spirit. We as believers are quick to sing our praises during the day, when we can see the light but when the darkness comes, we are often silenced out of fear of the hungry cat (roaring lion, enemy of our souls) or we are so busy during the day that the voice of God is drowned out by the noisiness around us. I know that I tend to withdraw my praises, not intentionally, but it just seems that when life gets really hard and I feel alone, I get quiet in my worship and prayers. It just dwindles until I am left cold, empty and fearful. I want to be like that bird. I want my song to be heard by God and the enemy even in the darkest moments of my life. I want to lift my voice loudly in prayer and praise when I hear the enemy coming. Lord, give me a song in the night, a word of praise during fear. Give me ears to hear in the midst of the storms around me. Help me to stay focused on you!! You are my deliverer, my refuge and my salvation!

2 Kings 4:1-7 A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the LORD. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.” So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.” Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few. And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels, and set aside the full ones.” So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out. Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.” And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.”

How do you raise a generation who fears God and seeks holiness? How do you teach that humility precedes holiness to a people of such independence and pride? How do you seek to have broken vessels filled with the spirit of God. The task is daunting and at times seems unattainable. I know this, it cannot be done by the ideas of man. It will not happen because we have some cool new way of presenting God. It will not happen by implementing some new program. When the widow went to Elisha, she had nothing to stop the creditors from taking her sons into slavery but some olive oil. I can tell you this, if someone told me that the mortgage company was coming to take my little one, olive oil would not be a comforting thought. I would probably panic, had a prophet given me those instructions! However, as a youth worker, I see the enemy taking our kids onto slavery on a weekly basis. As ministers, parents, leaders, we having nothing in and of ourselves that could snatch them back from becoming slaves to the enemy of our souls. However, we do have the oil of the Spirit of God. I am praying and asking The holy spirit to be released in a powerful way among the teens that I work with. I am asking for deliverance from bondage, freedom from fears and a group of teens who can say that they have seen God. I am not interested in a youth group full of kids who can play church, talking the talk and faking holiness, I want to see the fire of God resonating from them as they seek His face. Messy? Yes, but nothing worth having comes easily or without cost! What about you, have you come to the place where you have exhausted your man made efforts to see change in a situation? It’s time to seek the face of God…not just his hand and what He can do for us, but His face! That is my heart right now! I pray that you too will begin to come to the end of human resources so that all you can do it seek Him.

Galations 3:1-6, 11-12

You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses? Something crazy has happened, for it’s obvious that you no longer have the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives. His sacrifice on the cross was certainly set before you clearly enough.  2-4Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!  5-6Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don’t these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God. 11-12 The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: “The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real life.” Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them.“

I was thinking today about churches that practice legalism and why people stay in that environment. I came to the conclusion that there is something safe about having rules and guidelines to “stay in the good graces” of God. As someone who, by nature (or nurture) tends to follow the rules, I can understand that logic. Rules tell me what is expected of me, what keeps me out of trouble, what keeps me safe and I can know the outcome if I follow them. I am also a list person, an organizer, clean freak. Why am I this way? Only God knows, but as such, I struggle with things that take me out of the drivers seat. I like to know the outcome, I like to know the expectations, I like to be in control. I struggle with the feeling that my eternal value is dependent on someone other than me. Yes, I KNOW that it’s not dependent on me or my behavior, but I have struggled and continue at times to struggle with this fear. I am fully aware that there is nothing on earth that I can do to earn the love of God. There is nothing I can do to make Him like me more than he already does, nor is there anything that can rip me from His hands. So, why is the struggle to perform for Him still there? I think it comes down to my unwillingness to rest in the truth. Truth is a person, Jesus. Yes, all too often I refuse to REST in the fact that Jesus has already done the work for me. We all REFUSE to rest in this truth every time we “do something” to earn his favor. He has redeemed me. He has payed my way. He has covered my screw ups past, present and future. There is a huge difference in doing good works because we love Him vs doing good things to make Him love us more. Yet, these two motives get mixed up for me sometimes. I do love my beautiful Savior, so much so that it brings me to tears even typing it out, but I must remember that I cannot even love Him unless He causes me to. I feel like the Galatians… I feel as though someone has come and bewitched me with this belief that nothing in life is free. But it is free, this love offered to me by God. It’s free to me and it’s free to you, but came at a great cost to Him. What makes me feel that I have anything that could come close to repaying Him?? Such pride. God forgive me.

I was watching Tvland today (i love old shows) and was fascinated by the commercial for something called High School Reunion. It is crazy to me how some people change drastically over the years but some stay just as immature and shallow as they were in high school. There are so many rolls … class clown, cheerleader, mr/mrs popularity, the loner etc… So tell me, who were you in High School and How have you changed?

I don’t know what I really was in high school… I would probably go with the cheerleader since I was the captain of the cheerleading team.

Did anyone see Ted Haggard on Oprah yesterday? It was quite interesting watching Oprah try to pigeon hole the man into agreeing with her. If you did not see the show, Here is a news link about it. If you did see it, I would LOVE to hear what you thought.

Ok, so I have not written anything in a while because life got really busy for a while. Today, I have a favor to ask. I am getting ready to teach a small group of highschool girls about healthy relationships. How to identify unhealthy or even dangerous patterns in a guy before getting serious with them. The most recent statistic says that over 40% of girls aged 14-18 know someone being beaten in a dating relationship or have been beaten in a dating relationship. The stats for emotional abuse are much, much higher. With that stat in mind, I have been preparing this talk.

Here is where you come in, if you could please answer one or more of the following questions for me in comment form, that would be wonderful!!

What do you wish you had known to look for in the opposite sex when you were a teen?

What qualities are the most important to look for when choosing a mate, (both positive and negative traits)?

what are the warning signs to look for in a potentially unhealthy relationship?

What character traits would you consider to be deal breakers in a relationship?

How long do you feel is a sufficient time to really “know” someone well enough to consider marriage to them?

Thanks for your help!

Here are some things about me.

1. I have spent the day in jail two years ago for attempted theft of a car, driving without insurance and driving with an expired tag…it was a HUGE misunderstanding and at no fault of my own.. all charges were dropped. That’s what happens when you drive someones new car before they finish all the paper work!

2. I hate to cook, but I’m pretty good at it.

3. I attended a private Christian school from 1st to 5th, home schooled from 5th – 9th, back to the same private school for 9th-10th, home for 11th and back to private school for Senior year.

4. I have worked as a bank teller, pharmaceutical technician, bookkeeper, Gopher/receptionist for an attorney, nanny and I sold jeans at Levi’s.

5. I kept several diaries in highschool, but only put the stuff that would freak my parent’s out in one that was easily found b/c I knew that they were reading it!

6. I had an imaginary friend named Captain Dan. When I was about three, my mom and I went to the post office. When we drove away, I was crying so hysterically that my mom asked what in the world was wrong. I finally choked out, “we left captain Dan at the post office!”

7. I believed in Santa until I was fourteen, noone could convince me other wise.

8. My favorite snack currently is salted, roasted almonds.

9. Lecrae’s cd called When the music stops makes me cry for some reason… the lyrics to “i’m praying for you” and “send me”in particular.

10. I am fascinated by the sky and thank God every time it catches my attention. I think of it as a gift from Him.

11. I have never broken a bone.

Ok, that’s all I can think of right now…. How about you??

Yep, that’s right, a cat person…I have never liked dogs. Well, I have not liked dogs since my first puppy, Muffin when I was three. They drool, they bark loudly, they stink and the sniff everything…which I find very annoying. Cat’s are low maintenance and cool. They just sort of mind their own business, eat, sleep and occasionally they might play a bit. So why am I writing a small essay on the characteristics of cat and dog owners? Because after almost eight years of “discussion” my husband finally got a dog.

Her name is Lexie. She is a dachshund mix and we rescued her from the “gas chamber” just days before her certain death. (insert tiny violins here) I have to say, she is the cutest dog… and she has “puppy-eyed” her way into my heart. I am smitten with a dog… and I can not believe it. How about you, are you a cat person or a dog person?

I feel like I am being awakened from a society induced coma. It’s as if my eyes are being forced open to the state of the world. Global poverty, the slave industry and the AIDS/HIV epidemic are rampant. There is a group of missionary/musicians whose only reason for using their music is to make money for foreign missions…they are called Unnamed Servant. ALL of the money from their cd sales goes to missions. They and their families give their lives to foreign mission fields. I got the opportunity to meet them this month and was blown away by what I saw in them. Here are lyric from two of their songs from their latest album called Anthem.

On the other side of the ocean, people forgotten in commotion forged under blood red skies.
You’ve seen this world in pictures fly covered, starving children left to believe this is life.
The trash they live in eating the scraps their given, still not enough to survive
Disease and malnutrition false hope in the west’ religion, this is enough to make God cry.
From a distance, you can’t feel it, you can choose just to close your eyes
When you’re in it, you can taste it, you’ve got no choice but to give your life.
You’re home bound, can you imagine, sister raped, how can this happen, now there’s talk of genocide.
Society is all in a panic Mother cries from images too graphic and you thank God it’s not your life.
Go ahead change the channel watch a show where weight loss is a battle, so sad they had too many calories. Send your check to support a child, you did your part now you can smile and get back to your American dream.
Oh say can you see a world with out poverty, where the widow can eat, and the orphan can dream
Where the slave is set free, the oppressed find liberty, and avoid military and the farmer rewrites history?
From a distance you can’t feel it, you can choose just to close your eyes.
When your in to, you can taste it, you’ve got no choice but to give your life!

Your attendance twice aweek, your tithes and your offerings its vanity
Its not for me the worship you’re leading the sermons your preaching, it’s just noise to me

You can keep your cds the building your making, the money your saving in my name causes me so much shame, none of it matters, it just doesn’t matter.. People starving, dying,  and I’m the bread of life

Recognize, the face of God in slanted eyes, darker skin and foreign smiles. Recognize value of human life even when it’s not white. Recognize.

This cd is extremely controversial for most of us in the west. I have found that the young people who hear it, love it, it stirs them to a passionate desire to be the hands and feet of Christ. I have also found that a lot of the “adults” who hear it, tend to be less excited about it…saying it’s not practical..it’s too extreme…it’s too radical.

I will admit, that it was my first thought too…but my next thought was, but God, if I am wrong, please change my heart. Guess what?? My heart is breaking… I cry everytime I hear the songs…I cry when i see the hell that is reality for millions of people across our beautiful ocean! I believe that Jesus was pretty radical, extreme and impractical at times! I am beginning to see that in the American church we have made Jesus into this blonde haired, blue eyed gentle passivist who never got his hands dirty. How much further can we get from the truth??

What about you? After reading these few lyrics, what thoughts come to mind? Is it convicting?

I have been fascinated lately by John, the beloved disciple.  It all began when I started praying that I would crave Jesus like I crave oxygen. I  long to be intimately connected with jesus on a minute to minute basis not just on certain times of the week or day.

One day I was praying and I got this picture in my mind of John the disciple leaning against Jesus’ chest. I love that picture now, but at first it made me really uncomfortable. See back in Jesus’ day, people reclined on the floor to eat dinner. They laid on their sides, raised up on one arm  on pillows at a table that was only several inches off the floor. So, the verses in John that describe the dinner times with Jesus and the disciples are very intimate. THen the picture of John laying his head on Jesus’ chest, now that it close…it’s like spooning!  Disturbing?? It was to me the first time I heard it. 

ok, now that you are over the initial disturbance, think about how close that is. Think about having your ear up to the chest of the Christ, hearing His heartbeat, hearing him breathe.  What kind of man was John that he was so comfortable with such intimacy? What kind of man was so unabashedly in love with Jesus? NOt only in love with Jesus, but obviously completely aware of the love that Jesus had for him too! It was unhindered love and affection between the messiah and one of his beloved.

THis is the kind of unhindered love I want to have for Jesus. I want to love Him with my whole broken, human heart.  I want to be completely consumed by the love He has for me. I want to see His eyes burning with Love for me!  When we know that kind of Love, we are going to spill it out on those around us. That is the essence of what Christianity is….knowing the love of God and letting it flow through us on a broken world.

I want to burn with love for this God…. I want to burn with Love for His world.