11 Things about Me November 21, 2008

Here are some things about me.

1. I have spent the day in jail two years ago for attempted theft of a car, driving without insurance and driving with an expired tag…it was a HUGE misunderstanding and at no fault of my own.. all charges were dropped. That’s what happens when you drive someones new car before they finish all the paper work!

2. I hate to cook, but I’m pretty good at it.

3. I attended a private Christian school from 1st to 5th, home schooled from 5th – 9th, back to the same private school for 9th-10th, home for 11th and back to private school for Senior year.

4. I have worked as a bank teller, pharmaceutical technician, bookkeeper, Gopher/receptionist for an attorney, nanny and I sold jeans at Levi’s.

5. I kept several diaries in highschool, but only put the stuff that would freak my parent’s out in one that was easily found b/c I knew that they were reading it!

6. I had an imaginary friend named Captain Dan. When I was about three, my mom and I went to the post office. When we drove away, I was crying so hysterically that my mom asked what in the world was wrong. I finally choked out, “we left captain Dan at the post office!”

7. I believed in Santa until I was fourteen, noone could convince me other wise.

8. My favorite snack currently is salted, roasted almonds.

9. Lecrae’s cd called When the music stops makes me cry for some reason… the lyrics to “i’m praying for you” and “send me”in particular.

10. I am fascinated by the sky and thank God every time it catches my attention. I think of it as a gift from Him.

11. I have never broken a bone.

Ok, that’s all I can think of right now…. How about you??

For your information July 25, 2008

Since, It’s been about a year since I began blogging and I have a lot more readers now… (though not many commenters..hint hint ) I thought I would post my life story in cliff note version. So you can know a little about me!

I was born in 1978 to my parents, the first-born child of two. My brother was born 2 ½ years later. My parents were both Christians and were involved in church. My father worked shift work at a mill about 45 minutes away.  My mom worked too, but only when we were asleep or at school. She was around a lot. She was sort of the June Cleaver type, cooking, cleaning and generally involved in our lives.
Most of the memories of my family are of being super involved in church. Our lives were always wrapped around it. They are mostly good memories now.   At one time most of them brought the sting of rejection.  I never felt that I could measure up to what I was supposed to be. Some unattainable and lofty Godliness that I now know is impossible to achieve.  I knew what a mature Christian looked like and I could talk the talk really well. I thought I was one.  I was running frantically trying to look like I had it figured out. At school, I performed too. I was a good student and  a cheerleader.  I made sure everyone knew I was a Christian. I was so judgmental and  hypocritical. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jesus to the best of my ability (or so I thought)  and I did genuinely want others to know Him.  I just did it out of fear and  did not know what it was like to have  love relationship with the One who created me.  I now know that I did not have the steps in the middle filled in.  What do I mean? Well I did not have a relationship with Christ. I just had empty rituals and jargon. I had the appearance of Godliness but not the power of God. I had a distant, performance-based relationship with Him. I felt that He was constantly disappointed in me. I could never do enough to make Him proud of me…. It took some time to realize this was not the first time I had felt like this.  I had felt like this all my life growing up. I never felt that I could please my parents. I felt that nothing was ever good enough. I had to be the best at everything I did or I was a failure.  I put up a good facade of being a happy, well-adjusted, Christian girl but on the inside, I was miserable. I hated my life and wished I were dead.
I was 11 the first time I thought about suicide.  The thought came to my mind dozens of times a day. Every time I felt angry, hurt or like a failure, I would think about ending my life. I was too afraid of actually killing my self so I began to cut.  I would run razors over my skin until I felt some sort of relief from the emotional pain. Anything to relieve the pressure in my life. I wrote out so many suicide notes that I lost count.  I never told anyone this until later on in life. It was my secret shame, one more area I could not live up to the standard. Who was I to feel this way? I had a good family, I was not the neglected child of divorced parents!!  How could I help others if I could not help myself? I had nothing to give. I was empty and broken.  I tried to bring worth to myself by  performing and looking like I had it all together,  all in the hope that my pain would be healed.  I began thinking that if I got married.  I thought that a husband who loved me unconditionally would heal my pain. I began dating Jon in 1995, The summer before Senior year.  We dated exclusively until we got married in 1998. Within six months of marriage, I began to have suicidal ideas again. I was devastated. I really thought that marriage was going to bring me relief. I came to realize that there was no human who could fill the emptiness in my soul. I had to face the fact that it was not my circumstances that were causing my so much pain. The pain was in me. The problem was me. I joined a seekers group through Living Well Ministries in September 1998.  That small group of women  helped lead me out of the darkness I was living in. I know that God ordained this step in my life and  I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven that He spared my life. Not only did He spare it, He has redeemed it and brought meaning and joy into it. He sent me on a journey to discover why I felt the way I did and taught me how to Love myself and others from the abundance of my heart instead of the emptiness. I now know that Love is a choice. I don’t have to look for love to fill my brokenness, I now love because I know what love is…it has a name and that name is Jesus Christ!
I love my life now. I am even at peace with my past. I am very glad that I lived through the pain I did  because through it I saw the kind of God I serve. Suicide is no longer a thought for me. I am happily married and I love who God created me to be. He has transformed me. I now gladly serve Him because He brought me out of darkness into the light of His love.  I love Him more than anything in this world! I now see a constant thread throughout my life that was Him. He wove together the ugly, dark of my past with the light and beauty of  His love and made a beautiful tapestry!

Knowing Denzel July 20, 2008

i have been thinking about what it takes for us to know God. I grew up in a Christian home and my family was very involved in the church we attended. My dad was one of those few dads who spent a lot of time, teaching us about the word of God. He would read bible stories to us and ask us tons of questions meant to help us to understand the word. I was raised to live certain biblical principles such as tithing and guarding my heart at a very early age. Later as a teenager, I was extremely involved in my youth group, ministry teams, and worship team. Where I learned about the responsibilities of being in a leadership position. I knew a lot about maintaining a life that was above reproach, I could pray a “powerful” sounding prayer, I could preach a sermon, I could give my testimony in front of a crowd in churches or in a town square of a third world country. I had cast out demons in His name. (does this remind anyone of the verse that says “lord Lord, I cast out demons in your name!??) I knew a lot about God. I did not know God though. I mean I thought I did… I had prayed the sinners prayer. I do know that I was a Christian, but I knew nothing of the joy of a relationship with this Saviour I lived for. It was not until later in my life, when I grew tired of the performing that I had grown accustomed to, that I hit bottom and realized that while I knew much about God, and his word, i did not have a heart to heart relationship with Jesus. I focused more on looking the part, preaching about Him and making sure that my life was an example of what it looks like to be a follower of Christ than actually loving Him and allowing Him to love on me. Knowing about someone is very different than knowing them. I can read and study all about Denzel Washington, but if I don’t have a real relationship with him it would be stupid to call my self his best friend.

The bottom that I hit was on many levels, but the level that most changed my perspective on God’s personal love was when I had grown so tired and disillusioned with my faith that I no longer had it in me to perform. Like so many before me, I in mock defiance quit all of my strivings. I stopped all ministry, I stopped doing my ritualistic quiet times, I stopped going to church and stopped listening to any Christian music. All of these things had become like superstitions to me, like somehow by doing all these things, God owed it to me to bless me. It was never about relationship. I never did those things out of love but out of desperate fear of what God would think of me if I did not do them.

I never stopped praying. Although, they were not prayers for anyone but me. Selfish? Maybe, but I had come to realize that if God did not break through my preconceived ideas of Him, I did not want to live. I was tired of feeling like God was perpetually angry, disappointed and sick of me and my screw ups. I knew that none of these things were scriptural, but my feelings were very powerful force in my life at the time. If we are honest, a lot of us live our lives with our feelings in the driver’s seat instead of the truth! My prayers were constantly begging God to change me. Change my heart, my feelings, my beliefs, my fears, my weaknesses, but most of all, my view of Him.
I am grateful to Jesus, that He has answered my prayers and continues to clarify my thoughts of Him. I can honestly say that God has redeemed my life, my fears and my misconceptions of Him.

I pray that you, whoever you are, whatever your struggles, would begin to ask God to remove the things that distort your view of God. For me, it was a lot of things, but one of those things was my own “information” about Him. I knew too much about Him without a relationship with Him which prevented me from see Him clearly. All of the things I knew about Him allowed me to keep Him in a box that I could control. I no longer serve a God that I have all figured out! Praise God.

Restoration June 7, 2008

People, even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

-Audrey Hepburn

I read this quote today on a friends blog. For some reason, it immediately took me to a memory of me sitting on the floor in my bathroom with a razor in hand, just praying for the courage to end my life. This occurred often in my life from the age of 11 until I was about 20. I just hated everything about life and about myself. I felt like everything in me was somehow a mistake and that everything I did was wrong. I felt broken, tired and defeated. I had given up on myself and truth be told, I felt that God had given up on me as well.

I am so grateful that He had not given up on me. Through a process of recovery, He began to heal the wounds of my soul and lift the chains of depression and self hatred off of me. He began to fill me with joy and a love for Him. As I fell in love with Jesus, and began to see Him for who He really is, I began to see myself for who I am too. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted and complete in Christ. There is nothing I can do or say to make Him love me more or less. His love and acceptance of me is unchanging.

I am absolutely in awe of the way that God refused to let me throw my life away. He has truly restored, renewed, revived and redeemed me.

Yeah, Audrey Hepburn said more about the character of God than anything else. I pray that I will live up to that in other’s lives too!

I hate frogs May 31, 2008

I mean I hate the little slimy jokers, but I love my daughter alot… wondering yet where I am going with this? haha. Ok, well, my daughter brought home a parental permission slip from school last week. basically it stated:

Our classroom has adopted a few pets which will be going home with three different students this week. One is a millipede (ewww), one is a hermit crab (again eww..but tolerable) and the other is two African dwarf frogs (omg discusting). We will choose the new owner by drawing names. Please sign the permission slip in order to enter your child into the drawing.

Now, honestly I really considered “losing” the permission slip amongst other papers until the due date had past but Tay begged me every day to sign the slip so she could get a pet. So I did. I signed the slip and sent it to school, all the while praying fervently that her name would not be drawn! Well, she got off the bus that after noon with a small plastic “aquarium” containing the two frogs and a smile you could see for miles!

So, Now I have to go buy “bloodworms” and water conditioner to keep the vermin alive! oh brother…so yeah, I hate frogs…really really hate them and understand why God would use them in a plague! Nevertheless, I am a frog owner.

What have you done for someone you love lately, that was hard to do??

Maturity April 18, 2008

Often times as Christians, I feel that we focus on “saving souls” and not on Christian maturity. Jesus told us to go and make disciples of all men. A disciple was one who was chosen by a rabbi to follow them around and learn as much as they could from that rabbi about his yoke, or his interpretation of the scriptures. Rob Bell talks about this in his book Velvet Elvis… He says that a disciple was one who followed his rabbi so closely that the dust from the rabbi’s feet would cover the face and body of the disciple. That’s really close… I mean, I have issues with people being in my personal space and the feeling of someone walking right on my heals bugs the snot out of me but what if being a true disciple means being that close to the Lord? What if those people that God has placed in my life to be discipled to the best of my ability, means that my life has to be one that is worthy of being so closely inspected? What if every word that comes from my mouth is truly speaking life or death? That’s what the word says…the power of life and death is in the tongue. It also says that we will be judged for every idle word that we speak. That is a powerful statement to me. I am very opinionated and tend to be vocal at times about my opinions so this thought came to me this week… what if I speak my opinion about a situation and it is opposed to what God intends for that same situation? UGh… I am running circles in my head. I know that I am rambling a lot, this is a totally spontaneous blog…just wanted to get some of these thoughts out on “paper”… so this is my brain, jumbled and thinking.

SO back to what I was thinking. What if every action of mine, is catalyst in someones life for either help or harm? Obviously I am not God, I am not perfect, but I am called to be holy, for He is HOLY. I believe it was Paul who said***, it would be better to tie a millstone around my neck and jump in the ocean than to make a little one stumble. and by little one, that means a young, immature Christian. Oh, wow, how many times should I have just jumped into the ocean??

What are your thoughts out there in blog land?? Is any of this making sense to you?? what have you learned in your life about this??

CORRECTION-

*** It was not Paul it was Jesus who made this statement!

Nothing….My filthy rags. April 9, 2008

There is nothing inside of me that is good. Nothing. All of my best efforts come to nothing. That is where I am at this moment. Now before you think that I am all depressed and down on myself, I will tell you straight up, I am not being a victim. I am however becoming aware of my weakness. I am becoming aware that even my strengths become liabilities when they cause me to trust them instead of God.

It all started a couple of weeks ago when I began to feel that familiar numbness coming back to my spiritual life. Like my spiritual senses were becoming dull. All desire for the things of God was gone. I mean I could not even pretend to want to read my bible…or spend any significant time in prayer. I did not even want to listen to worship music at all. (if you know me, that’s a big deal.) So, I added some old school R&B to my ipod and embraced my spiritual apathy, whole heartedly. Another thing you have to understand about me, I don’t do anything halfway! I am fully in or I am fully out. I had depleted all of my own natural resources. I had nothing left to give anyone.

Last night, the small group (12th grade girls) that I lead came over to the house to discuss the book we are doing. … (experiencing God). I laugh even now at the irony. I am supposed to lead these girls to experience this God, who felt so distant even to me. We had not met together during the last two weeks…(the weeks of my apathy) but were getting caught up last night.

Here is what God did. Our conversations were about recognizing when God is speaking, or doing something, how to not feel so dead spiritually and how to want God. Crazy! Here are these beautiful girls, asking me how to do the very things that I have been avoiding. God spoke through me to them, and in turn reminded me that It’s true, I can’t do anything without Him. I can’t even want Him unless He first plants that desire in me. Even when I am feeling so deadened and disconnected from Him, He is at work, wooing me. I can’t do it. Do you get that?? It’s such a foreign concept in our world, there is no formula, there is NOTHING I can DO to make me want the things of God.

To go a little deeper here, It was my fault that I became disconnected in the first place. See, I tend to get cocky when I am doing “good” spiritually. I tend to coast through life relying on my own wisdom and my own abilities. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that my Father in heaven allowed me to wander far enough away from Him that I felt my need for Him. It reminds me of a time when my own daughter was three years old. She had a problem with wandering off in the grocery store, the mall or wherever we happened to be. Well, one day my husband and I decided she needed to learn that it was not a good idea. So we were in a store and when she wandered off to look at a toy display, we hid from her view. We could see her, but she could not see us. It took a few minutes for it to dawn on her that she was alone. I could see the emotions flickering across her face. When it finally registered that she had walked too far this time,her chin began to quiver and her eyes began to tear up. We came out from our hiding places, which were within two feet from her, and she was both angry and relieved. It may sound like a horrid thing to do, but she never wandered off again after that. I believe that God does the same with me. When I venture off of the path He is on, He just stops and waits for me to realize that I am doing it alone again. He never leaves me, but He just sort of hides Himself. Well, I am obviously a much more stubborn child than my own daughter, I don’t learn so easily. I wander off to look at my own version of toys, which I will plainly call idols. I whore myself out to all sorts of other lovers, self, people pleasing, recognition, pride, television…the list is long.

The good news though, even though I had nothing to give to that small group last night, God showed up. He helped us all to see that even the fact that I was discontent with my lack of desire for God, was the hand of God moving my heart. He showed me this verse this morning:

Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

Among all the gods, there is none like you… among all the idols that I erect in my life, there is none who can compare to Him! None of my “toys” will be able to come close to filling my emptiness. I want an undivided heart, to love Him. I want all the other lovers to fade away in the presence of God Almighty.

Great is HIS LOVE TOWARD ME. not my love toward Him. Even if I were a junkie, in an alley somewhere, His love for me would be the same. It is His faithfulness that will see me through to the end. It’s His loving kindness that will woo me to Him. Thank God, it is not reliant on my desires or lack thereof!

tired. February 27, 2008

I am really fighting this month against an adversary who has many faces. Beautiful and alluring faces. What temptation or vice am I struggling with, you ask?  Busyness. Over commitment. I don’t know, it just seems that all of a sudden, I am being allured by all of these great opportunities to do wonderful things. Things that I would be great at, things that would be good for me, things that could be very good ministry opportunities…yet, it just seems they would pull me in too many directions to be really useful at any of them.   I read somewhere recently that with all of our technological advances that were supposed to decrease our work load, we have somehow added another days worth of work. Did you catch that? We somehow have an eight day work week now. We are SO busy.  We are getting up early and due to electricity, we are able to stay up into the wee hours to finish work that our ancestors would have waited until the next day to complete. I am getting WAY off point there…just a little soapbox rant! J

I have been thinking about my life’s mission statement a lot this week.  I have been wondering, if God is changing my mission statement to include something more, or if I am just trying to fill my life with something other than what He has called me to do. This led me to think about reasons we do “too much”.
There are times when life just demands more of us.  Jobs for instance can take a lot of our time and attention. We may have bosses who require more from us for a while. It’s called work for a reason. I get that.  I don’t have a regular job though. I am a stay at home mom. I do the normal housekeeping stuff, bills, homework etc. I also work in ministry with my husband, who is a full time youth minister. We are busy. Very Very busy! The demands of a job in ministry can be overwhelming because the lines are easily blurred between work, home and family. Boundaries have become a life saver for my family. But boundaries can also make you the bad guys at times!

For me, it all comes down to what I find my worth in. If my  worth comes from what I do, then by all means I should do as much as I can as well as I can…right? HOWEVER, my worth comes not from what I do, but whose I am. I am the daughter of the King of Kings. I have worth because He created me in His image, put HIS breath in my frame…and if that’s not enough, He also loved me and valued me enough  to DIE to cover my  frailty. He knew that I was at my very best, nothing more than dust without Him. So I have value because the price on my head was the death of the son of God.

There are so many good things out there for me to do but just because the need is there, does not mean that I am the one called to that task. So, once again I need to simplify my schedule. It’s time to decide where I am supposed to be and stop trying to do it all! This is such an easy thing to say, but not so easy to do. I am praying for wisdom, clarity and direction. I have to remind myself that if I am not connected to my source, I will burn out.  I am like a lamp, if I am unplugged, I have no light of my own to share. I must be plugged in to the source of my light. It is Christ in me.

I know i rambled a lot tonight, I am tired, I am overwhelmed and just wanted to put some of my thoughts down while I was able. If you think about me this week, please pray for me. Wisdom, clarity and strength to get through the rest of this week!  Thanks!

randomness February 7, 2008

Tam tagged me for this one!! I am supposed to write seven random things about me and then tag someone!

1. I Love presents! Getting them, giving them, shopping for them and wrapping them too! Just love them.

2. I must rock my self to sleep, using my foot every night… the whole bed will be rocking…drives Jon crazy!

3. when i was little, I told my dad, I wanted to be a missionary until I asked how much money they make…then I decided I would be a Mary Kay consultant. lol I was about seven years old.

4. When I was 3, a lady bug flew into my eye…for years I thought it had left foot prints on my eye because when I looked into light, then looked away I saw little spots!

5. I believed in Santa until i was 13.

6. I hate to have a dirty car…drives me crazy! the dust on the dash….ahhh, can’t stand it.

7. I am totally boring apparently..since I cannot think of another random thing!

Tagging:

Charity

amanda

brooke

Good ‘nuf! January 31, 2008

John 1:10-16 (emphasis added mine)
He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him.  He came to His own,  and His own   did not receive Him.  But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:  who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.  John bore witness of Him and cried out, saying, “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me is preferred before me, for He was before me.’”  And of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace  For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

When you think about God, what comes to mind? Maybe you think he loves people, but he is often disappointed in you. Maybe he is like a morality cop, waiting for you to screw up. Maybe you think that God is a delusion that people created as a crutch.  For me, I  used to get this picture of an old man in white, with a long flowing beard, sitting on a huge marble throne. He was surrounded by clouds, so much so that I could never get a clear picture in my mind of His face. In this picture, I was often, bowing (cowering) at His feet in a nervous way. Oh, I was in awe of Him too, but still had this nagging suspicion that I was not in His favors. I never felt that I could measure up to the standard that I felt He had set for me. I was always “messing up”

There are many things that can shape our perspective of the Father God. Maybe we had an abusive father, maybe he worked all the time or was altogether absent. Maybe you had a great dad, but other men in your life were poor examples of what God is like.  Maybe you were in  a church that was legalistic. It took me a long time to sift and separate the many perceptions I had of God. Some were true but many were distorted.  One of the sources of my  distorted perceptions was the fact that I was raised in a very legalistic church. I came to believe that God was that policeman in the sky, watching for me to mess up so he could strike me down. Maybe not by a literal bolt of lightning, but in some sort of punishment He would surely get me back.    If I was not living up to par, then He would not bless me, he would not use me and would give me the silent treatment so to speak.

I have often struggled with the fear that I would never measure up to what  a “good Christian” should look like.  I am just too blunt,  too sad, too happy, too angry, to relaxed,   too poor, too rich, I don’t read the bible enough, I don’t understand the bible enough, I don‘t pray enough…. etc….   See I was placing all these rules and expectations on myself in order to avoid punishment from God. I was in essence trying to take the place of Jesus in my own life. I was determined (not knowingly) to be my own savior.  There is a scripture that Paul says basically, that if you are trying to earn your salvation by works, you are telling Jesus that His work is not enough.  That is so hard to swallow if you tend to be a performance based, people pleaser, like I have been. That is one of those verses that we glance over quickly moving on to something like, “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” only to interpret that through the lens of earning our keep!

I have now come to believe that God does not view me through the same “glasses” that I view my self. He sees me through the blood of Jesus. The one pure spotless lamb.  vs. 16 in the NKJV says it this way:
And of HIS fullness we have all received and grace for grace.  That word fullness translates as full measure, copiousness (present in large quantity), that which has been completed. It describes a ship with full cargo and crew.  Guys, we are complete in Christ.  Not because we are good enough, (because God knew we could never be “good enough”) but because Christ took our place. He is there interceding on our behalf to God the Father.
He is our portion, our fullness and our covering. His grace is enough. Enough to cover every imperfection. All we have to do is accept it, freely. That is harder at times than working for it. Especially to prideful people such as myself. I am always fighting to remain humble, not self sufficient. He never called me to be self sufficient. He called me to be God-dependent. I am not saying that we never have to do anything…I am saying that nothing we DO can make us any better in the eyes of God.

So, don’t get wrapped up in being “Good enough” Just abide in Him. Commune with Him. You are fully loved, totally forgiven, whole and complete in Christ. You have value, HUGE value because Christ the pure spotless one, loved you enough to die a painful, shameful death so that we could be free! Free from shame, guilt and Fear! Praise God!

marriage. January 11, 2008

Today is mine and Jon’s ten year anniversary. It’s so hard to believe that I am even old enough to be married, much less for ten years!  Well, it has been an interesting ten years to say the least. Despite having a few bumpy patches, we are happier and healthier now than we were when we were dating.

We began dating about a month after my 17th birthday and had been friends for a couple of years prior to that. We have been ministering together in one way or another since I was 15.I find it hard to believe at times that two unbelievably codependent kids could grow up so much together, and remain in a marraige. I mean we are totally different people that when we met. It is Amazing that God has blessed us so much. I would not change one thing about our life together. It truly is fulfilling and wonderful.  Anyway, thought I would let you in on the fact that I am an old married broad now!

AACC World Conference September 19, 2007

For those who are curious, the conference was amazing. I am still exhausted and overwhelmed by all that I learned. I have information and statistics coming out of my ears!! I saw Joyce Meyers, Tim Clinton, Larry Crabb, Natalie Grant, Avalon, Michael O’brien, John Ortburg and many many more.

I think the thing that sticks out the most, was this: the World does not need a church full of wounded healers. God wants to heal his bride so that they have something to give. This is my heart. I was walking around bleeding all over the people I was “ministering” to before I began my own healing journey. I am grateful that God placed people in my life to help me to grow into who He wants me to be! I believe He is doing a new thing in the church, he seems to be merging emotional healing programs into the church body! I love it!!

Anyway, i am still processing, and probably will still be for a while! : ) Oh, I did purchase the next course for my Diploma of Biblical counseling…It is called Caring for Teens God’s way. I am very excited about that!

Here is the website of the ministry that I was a part of for my own healing.  It is called living Well Ministries

THORNS AND STUFF. September 19, 2007

Confessional time. I was sort of thinking about my weaknesses. Not just thinking about them but hating them, feeling guilty about them and talking to Jesus about them. Then the thought came, it is my weaknesses that keep me on my face before the lord. It is in my weakness, that He is made strong. So, I began to thank him for the thorns in my flesh, those things that I try and try to “fix” with no luck! Those things that I feel like I am constantly asking him to forgive me and change me.

Don’t get me wrong, He and I will still be working on my weaknesses for the rest of my life, but if I had no weakness in me, I would never come to him. I would have no need for Him. So, I am grateful to Him that He keeps me aware of my need for Him.

How about you guys out there in Blog land…what are your thoughts on this?

absolutely no depth… August 23, 2007

Sorry to disappoint but there will be no depth to this blog! : )

I am debating whether or not to look for a part time job. I want something that uses my gifts and allows me to work in an area of passion. I love discipleship. I love singing. Obviously, I can’t be a rockstar…nor do I have the desire to be so. ; ) If not in these areas, I just want a filler job. Meaning an easy, non time-consuming part time job. So, I am asking God that if that is what he desires, to show me what to do. We shall see!

about me… a lot about me. August 22, 2007

Ok, I am supposed to name ten things that have happened to me. So, this should be interesting… I hope for your sakes.

1. When I was 14 God told me that I would marry my husband who I did not like at all!

2. I did marry him at 19 and we have been married for 9 1/2 years. Oh, wow does God know us best! We are very happy!

3. I totaled my first car on the first day of driving; in the mall parking lot!

4. The first 3..count them 3 vehicles that I totaled, my dad just happened to be in the area to help me. I take that as God’s provision since I was under 18 all three times.

5. I have been involved in ministry since I was 14.

6. When I first had my daughter, we did not have a lot of money… every time she needed clothes for the first two years, some random stranger would walk up off the street and hand us $50 and tell us it was to take care of our little girl! God is amazing.

7. I nannied for 5 girls when I was 12-17… I know this one’s boring, but I am brain dead at the moment! : )

8. I was raised in a Charismatic church now my husband and I are on staff at a non-denom that really models more of the methodist model…. VERY DIFFERENT!

9. I attended a private Christian school from first grade until I graduated.

10. when I was 5, I left my purse in the grocery cart and did not realize until I was home. (30 minutes away) I prayed that God would keep it safe and he did, I got it back the next day… even though this seems like not a big deal, as a child, it is what God used to prove his existence to me. I have been a prayer person every since and I see Him answer them regularly! He is good.

Hope that I have not bored you!

I am going to tag:

to know him

the voice on the inside