School Zone= War Zone
Fading in and out of a tired trance I wait till the bell rings. She then comes running out to the end of the side walk where she waits patiently for me to pull my car to the curb and open the door. She leaps into the seat, throwing her back pack into the floor board of the car before launching into a brief vent session of her day. “He was mean”, “she pushed me”, “they laughed at me” it’s always the same, it’s the negative ones that she remembers, the hurtful and disappointing ones that stick in her psyche. It’s so easy to minimize what she complains about as trivial. It’s easy to give her the “world will hate you talk” or the “love your enemies” talk , instead of just listening, empathizing and giving her time to heal from the war wounds that were inflicted on her during her seven hour tour of duty. Why is it so hard to remember what it was like to be a child? Why is it so hard to really comprehend how much more difficult it is now, than it was when I was her age. It is truly a different world than it was when I was 8. my biggest concern at school, was what did mom put in my lunch box. Hers is what will “those” boys say to me today to hurt me? (we all know “those” boys..the bullies.)
I want to be that soft place to land for her. That is hard if I am so detached from what it was like for me. I want to be understanding, patient and nurturing to her. That is very hard if I am constantly thinking that her pain is trivial. So, my prayer is that I will be a mother who is compassionate, loving and kind to her very emotional daughter, though i tend to be the stoic type! I just want to be Jesus with skin on for her.
If you are a parent, do you relate? If you don’t have kids, what do you remember about coming home after school?
tam said,
February 21, 2008 at 8:48 pm
OH, I completely relate! It’s so hard sometimes to put myself in their shoes. Even though their circumstances these days are a little different than ours were 10, 20….oh darn, 30 years ago
I’ve had some of the best conversations with them when I have walked down memory lane with them…”Oh ya, I remember one time Lacey tripped me in class. i was so angry….” Those confessions have sparked many good long talks before.
I think we need to be a balance of both an ear and wisdom to share though. Timing is everything.
One of the greatest lessons for my kids in these instances have been not basing their significance on what others think. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s a good time to start talking about it. It helps them with perspectives.
Geeze, I’m stressing myself out – this parenting thing is big time stuff!
tam said,
February 21, 2008 at 8:50 pm
OH, I completely relate! It’s so hard sometimes to put myself in their shoes. Even though their circumstances these days are a little different than ours were 10, 20….oh darn, 30 years ago
I’ve had some of the best conversations with them when I have walked down memory lane with them…”Oh ya, I remember one time Lacey tripped me in class. i was so angry….” Those confessions have sparked many good long talks before.
I think we need to be a balance of both an ear and wisdom to share though. Timing is everything.
One of the greatest lessons for my kids in these instances have been not basing their significance on what others think. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s a good time to start talking about it. It helps them with perspectives.
Geeze, I’m stressing myself out – this parenting thing is big time stuff!
heatherblankenship said,
February 21, 2008 at 11:05 pm
That is one lesson we always come back to…you can not base your worth on other’s opinion! One of Tay’s favorite things is to hear stories about when I was her age…so that leaves good time for reminiscing!
Heidi said,
February 22, 2008 at 11:41 am
Oh I so relate….
My son (7) was born with cleft lip and palate, he’s had wonderful surgeons and all and great speech teachers, but he still has a major lisp. Sometimes Isaac is very misunderstood and he gets so frustrated and angry. “I’m not a baby” and so on. We want to be there stoic hereos and BEAT UP THE BULLIES. Then reality strikes and we know that our kids are stronger than us, they are more determined than us, and at these times they don’t need our heroism, they need our love and listening ear…
Okay I’m honest here. – great post!!