Dark Night of the soul February 19, 2008

 

 

 

I wrote this over a year ago during a particularly dry period. I have spoken to several people lately that are feeling this way, so I thought I would post it here to help put to words those longings and ponderings of the heart!

Here I am again, at a stand still.

I always end up here.

Feeling like I am in the dark again.

It feels so cold, and numb here, but it is an uncomfortable numbness.

I hate it here.

It seems the darkness will last forever.

I cannot even remember the days of being in the light.

I cannot remember ever being warmed by His touch.

Then, slowly, I begin to remember the warmer days.

I begin to miss the days of dancing in the sun where He is so tangible, so present.

I miss those days of light.

Nevertheless, I am in the dark for now.

I have no sense of where He is or where I went wrong.

Is He testing me or did I cause this separation?

All these questions are pervasive, going round and round in my head like a merry-go-round.

Doubts chasing questions…. then followed by a calm.

A calm that knows that just as sunrise always follows night, Light will come.

It has to and then I will see what He wants me to know about the depths of my soul.

I will see that He was there all along, quietly, patiently waiting for my eyes to acclimate to the dark so that I could continue walking, not by feelings but by faith.

For me to realize that the times in the valleys of darkness are necessary to get to the next mountain.

It is life; it is about abiding in Him, keeping my eyes on Him even in the storms, even in the dark.

Trusting that even when I cannot feel Him, see Him or hear Him, He is there.

He is there