emotional sex?
I am reposting this for the girls of inside out youth group.
Yes, for those of you who read Just another day’s blog, I am referring to her latest, go check it out!!
See, the two of us lead a girls small group that meets weekly. One of the things that came up last night in our little group of wonderful and honest high schoolers, was the issue of boys! Shocking, huh? I think we spend a lot of time in the Christian community warning our kids about the perils of premarital sex but very little is ever said about the emotional side of relationships. We spend little time talking to our girls about the fact that as females, we crave an emotional connection. We crave intimacy, not necessarily sex. The common misconception with the teens that I have come into relationship with over the past ten years or so, is that intimacy just means sex.
Last night, we talked to the girls about the issue of the emotional side of relationships. That when we share our hearts, our pain, our disappointments, our fears, our dreams and our hope with a man, we feel bonded to them because we just gave them a piece of our heart. Then if by chance we have a friendship with a man who shares his own heart, oh my goodness, we begin thinking we have found THE ONE! Somehow we feel that he obviously feels the same, or he would never have shared such “intimate” things with us! The truth however, is for a man, he is just talking! No big deal! He does not feel that he just got “naked” in front of you! He is not feeling that he just bared his soul to you!
Can you see where the confusion can come in between males and females? We really are a different sex! We are wired very differently. I see it too often that a girl ties her soul to the soul of some boy who listened to her heart, and shared his own with her then when the relationship ends, he takes off with a small piece of her fragile heart. I just feel that we need to do a better job at preparing girls and guys for that matter, for relationships and the boundaries that should be in place. We must teach them how to guard their heart. It does not mean we teach them to be fake, or to have up impenetrable walls! We just have to teach them how to “do” relationships. We are not born knowing how to be in a relationship.
Any thoughts?
charitymedders said,
October 31, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I think that most believe that when we guard our hearts we, we are putting up those walls that can lead to no communicaton at all! I agree that we need to get the word out that our younger ladies, even ones our age and older don’t understand the difference between good communication and too much info…NO BOUNDARIES! I love that fact that we get the chance to pour into girls…God is moving to create a healthy generation…I’m just glad he is lettingus be a small part!
tam said,
November 1, 2007 at 2:28 am
Well, well done and said! Fantastic thoughts and wisdom on this! I know I’ve said it before – but those girls are so blessed and fortunate to have you, and any other co-leaders, that are guiding them in this way – with such truth. You are equipping them with life skills that aren’t being addressed anywhere else.
I have a 13 1/2 year old daughter that will be reading this post… I think she should and I am so glad you wrote it!
theepiphany said,
January 16, 2009 at 9:48 am
What a fantastic topic and insight into the minds of teen girls. you’re absolutely right – teens need to be taught and prepared on the subject of emotional intimacy much, much more. Another angle would be to discuss the rewards of saving your heart for the guy who puts a ring on your finger before asking you to share intimately with him. To help girls and guys understand where the boundaries should be when it comes to giving away your personal thoughts, desires and struggles before a marital commitment is set.
heatherblankenship said,
January 16, 2009 at 10:07 am
TheE- Thanks for the comment. I do tend to talk about the rewards of waiting too. I agree completely that helping them understand boundaries and the “why” behind them, is key to success!